


He is my Sin

by animangod



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-02
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-13 16:56:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/826624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animangod/pseuds/animangod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurogane seeks to gain Fai's love; however, it is not so easy when one is the Madoka of Heartache.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Hello Mr Heartache; I've been expecting you

Come in and wear your welcome out, the way you always do

Never say if you're here to stay or only passing through

So hello Mr Heartache; I've been expecting you

When I don't feel like company, you make yourself at home

Even though you know I'd rather be alone

Love walked out on me and even as I'm closing the door

Next thing I know I'm staring at your shadow on the floor

***

Fai was cleaning up the tables in the little truck stop diner he worked at. It was staffed minimally, so he was one of only six servers that worked there , and since it ran twenty-four hours a day, every now and again, one would do double shifts or cover their shift partner if one needed time off, or cover for another until back up arrived. Being stationed to the graveyard shift, it varied quite frequently if it was busy as all get out or deader than a doornail.

Fai had a certain regular of his own, a brute sized man, dark-skinned, dark-haired, keen-eyed, (he preferred the booth furthest in the corner, so he could peek out the window; he ordered water light on the ice, and coffee or green tea, no creamer or sugar; coffee meant he wanted him to come over repeatedly and tea meant he wanted to talk, he liked his steak medium well, his vegetables steamed and his cinnamon rolls fresh and soft) and he seemed to enjoy prying into Fai's personal life(and crappy love life) and was a huge cynic of Fai's life choices. Second only to Fai himself.

Fai hoped not to see him tonight; although it was pretty dead tonight (some nights, there was just cleaning to do because none came), he could use a break, and although he appreciated the other's tips, he did not wish to see him tonight, but when had fate ever been kind? He told the other shift worker she could take the night off if she wanted (the lady was six months pregnant and still worked like an eager beaver); tonight was one of those nights that Fai did not mind having no extra help. She did, having felt some kind of sickness (baby related she said, not that he had to worry about catching what she had) and appreciated it.

Fai sighed as the last table was cleaned for the third time that night, all the containers were filled, table arrangements set just so, carpet vacuumed, counters polished, undersides degummed and windows shined. Looking at the clock, he still had a few hours to go, before the day shift waitress and waiter arrived, he had no customers to tend to, and the place was as sparkly clean as it ever got; he supposed he could get on his hands and knees and polish the tile floor to keep busy, but he was tired and just wanted to rest after the other day, and that's about when the small chime of the door's bell caught his attention. Fai's eyes quickly darted over to the doorway, where to some relief and disrelief, he saw who he hoped wouldn't show. As they say, speak of the devil and he shall arrive.

Ducking lightly under the doorway stood Kurogane. Fai let out a breath, before pulling out his customer smile, and went over to greet the taller man. Not that Fai was short, but Kurogane was just ridiculously tall. "Welcome back; your favorite booth is available. Would you like tea or coffee tonight?" chirped Fai.

Kurogane took a moment, to respond with, "Sure seems dead tonight."

Fai still smiled, "You're the first person to say that tonight."

Kurogane grunted an "I see" before replying, "Coffee, if you have the real stuff."

"Not made, but I could brew you a fresh pot if you want."

"Tea then."

Fai made the faintest of nods, "Make yourself comfortable. It'll be just a minute."

Fai moved towards the back and grabbed a kettle, filling it up with the preheated hot water. After the kettle was filled, he grabbed the tea bags (bitter green, three bags for Kurogane's pot) and the teacup, and placed them on the diner tray. He also filled a water cup up with a hint of ice and the purified water and placed it with the kettle, bags and teacup. There was no need (it was just Kurogane) but the rules won out, and he brought them over with typical grace. He could feel the aches of his muscles, but he had to ignore them. If Kurogane, with his keen eyes, noticed him dragging, he'd bring it up for sure. The man was cruel like that. Why Fai did not particularly like his regular, even if he was one of the better tippers. Man couldn't leave well (well fucked up) enough alone.

Kurogane settled into his booth, and took a moment to shift the lacy curtain and glance out the window. He could see the parking lot (that patch of grass held some interest), his truck and the doorway out the window, and he could watch most of the truck stop from his position.

Setting down the things, Fai tucked the tray under his arm, and asked in that same polite voice, "The usual?"

Kurogane turned to regard Fai, pausing a moment, before he nodded, "Yeah, sounds good."

"Alright; it'll be just a few minutes." Fai walked off, not bothering to write down the order just yet.

Fai walked away to put in the familiar order. Kurogane watched Fai until his figure disappeared behind a white wall, before he opened the bags of tea and placed them in the kettle. After, his gaze drifted self-consciously towards the window. He stared outside a little bit while his tea steeped, until the small patter of footsteps alerted him of Fai's return. His gaze shifted from the outside to Fai, letting the white curtain fall to its resting place. Kurogane pulled out the teabags from the steeped water, squeezing out most of the flavored water from within. Fai set Kurogane's food down, and smiled politely. "Anything else you will be needing right now, Kurogane?" Fai asked in his charming voice.

"Not right now. Wanna sit down for a bit? You don't have any others to tend to right now."

Fai shrugged his shoulders, "Sure. Why not?"

Fai settled onto the edge of the seat across from Kurogane.

Kurogane poured himself a cup of tea, and watched the steam rise a moment, before turning his gaze onto the blonde, who seemed a tad shut off, but still in that friendly façade way. He could see the small dark circles beneath the other's eyes, shoulders a little too tensed up, and his gaze focused elsewhere. His ears were perked, as if listening for the small chime of the door to know he had to get up and take care of a customer. Perhaps he would prefer that than to sit here, well-aware that Kurogane could see through him.

"So; get loved and left behinnd lately?" Kurogane asked bluntly, before taking a small sip of his tea.

Fai made a melodramatic shrug, "What if I did? Not like you do anything to stop it."

No, if anything, I'm the cause of it, Kurogane thought to himself, as he took a bite of his steak. He knew, more than he had to ask. He knew all about Fai's failed love life, about everyone's love life, especially when it turned to hurt, but that information was meant to be privy. However, unlike the others, Fai was, he just stood out from the others, and in a way, Kurogane wanted him for himself, but he didn't want the other hurt because of him. As a result, he hurt him and he came here. Perhaps to make amends. Some days, he really didn't know. Maybe it would be better for Fai if he stopped coming; he could settle down without the constant problems of living with a broken heart. Fate was not the kindest; all he wanted was to protect those close to him and it ends up if he gets close to anyone, they usually got hurt. After all, even his mother had died of a broken heart.

"What about you? Where are you off to with your truck?" Fai asked to get off his own personal life for a while.

"There's some coolant fluid for the elementary schools."

"After that? Where next?"

"Dunno. Unless work has another delivery, might head home."

Fai had never heard Kurogane mention his home before, and he tilted his head. If Kurogane could delve, then he could do a little digging too, he reasoned. "You never mention your home. What's it like?"

Kurogane paused a minute, as he thought about what to say. "Big…empty. Unattended. It used to be real nice, but I haven't been there in a few years."

"Why not? It's your home right?"

"Because… what made it feel like home is not there anymore."

Fai stopped asking questions. He was now curious, but just because the other had caught his attention, it was Kurogane, after all. He settled back, and let Kurogane eat in silence, getting up to refill his water twice during the meal. Fai brought over the pitcher, filling it up before returning it to the back. And as no other customers were there, he rejoined Kurogane back at his table, resting his back against the cushioned back of the booth.

"You're exhausted." Again, Kurogane's keenness never failed him.

"Perhaps," Fai let out a bitter laugh, before deciding he really didn't care anymore if this guy was too keen-eyed, and deposited his back onto the seat of the booth, with some exaggerance in his falling himself down. "…maybe I'm just tired."

"From what?" implored Kurogane.

"From…everything." Fai pressed an arm against his forehead, "I'm just … tired. Of it all. Tired of working a dead end job, of making minimum wage only to work twice as many hours as I get paid for. Tired of my drafty apartment that maintenance never fixes, that leaks every time the weather gets cooler. Tired of relying on tips so I can eat, because income barely pays the rent. Tired of finding people acting interested, only to lead me astray, and leave me. Tired of the one-night stands. Tired of charading and smiling and telling everyone that I'm doing just great and act all cheery, even when I feel like shit. Tired of everything. Some days, even existing becomes too tiring. If I t'were crossing the road and a car was zooming towards me and couldn't stop, I'm not sure I would get out of the way."

"Why would you say something stupid like that? Of course you'd get out of the way. It's only natural."

Fai sat back up, turned to face Kurogane with a smile. A sad caustic smile. "You really think so?"

Kurogane stared into those blue eyes, could see everything Fai said was true, could see further, further than he'd ever pried into before. He let out a small snort, "Look just cause Life's an annoying stuck up bitch don't mean she's all bad either. Sure she isn't always the easiest, but she definitely has her good side too. But Death is a real fucking creep. Sadistic pedophilic jerk; I don't know why you would want anything to do with someone like him."

Fai was so caught off by Kurogane's words, he broke out into a weak burst of laughter, and smiled, a genuine smile for the first time in a while. "The way you talk, it's like you know these concepts as persons and know them personally."

This time, it was Kurogane's turn to reel. He'd slipped up. Noticing the sudden change, Fai looked at Kurogane amusement turning to confusion at his reaction, and decided to try and pry into Kurogane's turf, seeing as he did it so often to his own. "Waita… If that's so, that means you know them … and if you know them … then might you … also be a person that is also a concept…?" Fai risked saying. It sounded ridiculous even as he asked, but the reaction Kurogane responded with was uncharacteristic for just a mix-up of real people and the concept of life and death.

Kurogane looked down as he heard Fai begin to ask, "Is that…?"

"Yeah," Kurogane finished for Fai.

Fai stared dumbly, mutely, and Kurogane glanced up noticing Fai hadn't said, done anything; the pause seemed unusual for Fai, and he waved a hand in front of his face, but Fai was … Kurogane turned to the doorway, where a certain light-skinned male was standing, leaning against the doorframe.

"Tsk, tsk, Heartache… the object of your affection suffers because of you and you cannot keep your lips shut. Maybe next time will result in banning you from being with him permanently."

"Next time?" Kurogane treaded to ask.

"A simple stop and mind sweep this time, but you will have to make things right, or it won't be long till your pal Sei-chan gets to your lover."

"Like hell I'll hand Fai over to that fucked up pervert…!"

"Take care of this then." Yue then left the diner and Kurogane turned his attention back to the blonde. Fai, who looked a bit spacey before coming back to his senses, a bit disoriented, "I'm sorry … I seem to have spaced off. You were saying?"

Kurogane bit his lower lip for a moment, "What's the last thing you remember?"

"You said it was only natural."

Kurogane had a silent reprieve. It was just the last minute deleted, before he turned his facial features to one of concern, "Are you sure you're alright? You don't usually space out like that."

Fai blinked before smiling, "I'm sure I'm alright. Would you like some more water?" Fai said getting up.

"No… thank you," Kurogane said, doing quick thinking, "I'd like that cinnamon roll now. To go. And the bill."

"Right," Fai said, picking up Kurogane's finished things before placing the usual bill on the table. Kurogane dug out his work expense card, as he looked at the bill. As usual, the numbers rang up to be what he expected. As usual, Fai had the bill already readied before he even ordered his roll. Fai remembered; he always did, easy when the order never changed. Fai walked to the back to ask for the cinnamon roll, placing the sticky dessert into a clear to-go box for the other. He brought it out, and set it on the table for him, taking the man's card to ring up the total, "The usual?" he asked.

"Yeah, same as always," Kurogane responded. He'd always tipped Fai equal to his bill. However, tonight, that wouldn't be enough. When Fai brought his card back, he brought the receipt and a pen to sign with, gathered up Kurogane's dishes and walked away briefly. Kurogane watched for a moment before taking out his wallet, putting his card away, and pulling out a smaller paper card, using the pen to scribble on it and placing some cash with it. He placed both under the roll, signed the merchant receipt and walked out to his truck.

When Fai came back, he let out a sigh, seeing the cinnamon roll just sitting there. He picked it up, about to throw it out with regret (company policy) when he noticed what was tucked underneath it, and his eyes widened in alarm. He grabbed the roll and the buried contents before dashing out after the other.

Kurogane had already revved his engine to life, and was about to leave, when the impression of Fai leaving the restaurant, and calling his attention showed up in his side mirror.

"…ne…! Kurogane…!" Fai called out. He rolled down his driver's side window, holding all the contents up to Kurogane.

"What is the meaning of this?! There is no way I can accept this!" Fai said standing outside Kurogane's door, his voice frantic, his face a mix of flabbergasted and downright panic-hysteria.

"Think about it, Fai," Kurogane said, accepting only his dessert, leaving Fai with the contents he had hid beneath it, "If you decide to come, I'll see you there. If not, then this will probably be the last time I will see you. So make good use of that." A brief pause, as he turned his eyes to the road ahead, "Goodbye, Fai."

Kurogane pressed his foot against the gas pedal, and drove away. Fai took a step back, coughing and waving away the small cloud of smog that arose and put his attention on the disappearing figure of the semi-truck, before he was forced to head back inside. He decided then and there that Kurogane was out of his mind and crazy. And, he quietly thought, so was he.

"Do you think this solves the real issue, Kurogane?" Yue asked, stretching out now that they were a ways away from the truck stop, and away from Fai.

"Better than the alternative, and gives me more time to figure out what to do," Kurogane grunted out to his unwelcome passenger. "And why were you waiting for me in my truck?"

"I want you to drop me off. After the favor I did you, it's the least you could do."

"…fine."

***

So hello Mr Heartache I've been expecting you

Come in and wear your welcome out the way you always do

Never say if you're here to stay or only passing through

So hello Mr Heartache I've been expecting you

I wish that I could say it's nice to see you back again

We're not exactly strangers but we're not exactly friends

You know you're not invited but you keep on coming around

The last thing I need is you to kick me when I'm down

So hello Mr Heartache I've been expecting you

Come in and wear your welcome out the way you always do

Never say if you're here to stay or only passing through

So hello Mr Heartache I've been expecting you

I've been expecting you; I've been expecting you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuro and Fai are so indecisive.

I’m just the pieces of the man I used to be; too many bitter tears are raining down on me

I’m far away from home and I’ve been facing this alone for much too long

Oh, I feel like no one ever told the truth to me about growing up and what a struggle it would be

In my tangled state of mind I’ve been looking back to find where I went wrong…

 

Too much love will kill you if you can’t make up your mind

Torn between the lover and the love you leave behind

You’re headed for disaster cos you never read the signs

Too much love will kill you - every time.

*****

 

Fai never found himself to be a time-watcher, but he wanted to do something other than think about the gift he had been forced to accept a few hours before. Once back in his little one-bedroom apartment, he rested on his bed briefly. Getting up, he hid the cash under his mattress for the time being, keeping only the card out, setting it on his dresser, and went to take a nice long, hot shower. After a shower, he made himself something to eat; he finished that and began cleaning. Exhausted or no, now he couldn’t sit still; the thought in the back of his mind of what lay in his bedroom was enough to give him the energy to deep clean the rest of his apartment, until sleep desperately called for him, and he made his way back to his room, checked his alarms were set and passed out under the covers.

 

Fai groaned mildly to the sounds of his first alarm, shutting it off, and wrapped up tighter into his blankets, not wanting to leave their warmth just yet. When he could ignore the third alarm no longer, he gave in and got up to face the day before him.

His muscles ached with a gentle throb as he moved out of his bed, not bothering to make the bed. It was still pretty cold outside, even during the early afternoon, and the temperature seeped in. Fai gently rubbed his arms to fight off the chill, before he dug around a bit and threw on a light sweater (he usually didn’t bother cleaning his bedroom too much, day-to-day clothes mixed with blankets, pillows, and drawing and writing supplies, miscellaneous things buried about that made stepping a haphazard for near anyone else, dallied about the place with a congregation settled sporadically on his bed).

Going into his kitchen, he moved over to his stove, grabbed the kettle off and filled it with water. Once full enough, Fai placed it over a burner and turned it on medium-high to heat it up, while he turned his back to the stove, and pried open the creaky wooden cabinets, where his dishes were stored. He pulled down a mug, and the cupboards above a counter provided him with some hot chocolate packets. Since it was a larger mug, he poured in two of the powder drink mix packets into the mug, and set a spoon beside it, as he went to throw away the wrappers and wait for the water to boil. While he waited for the whistle-pitch to come, announcing the water was ready to pour, he stayed near the burner, using the run-off heat to help warm up with.

As soon as the whistler began to make a sound, Fai turned off the heat, opened the end and poured enough water in to mix up most of the powder. He set the kettle down and stirred the drink until it was completely dissolved. He then poured in more water till it was closer to full and stirred it a little more before he set down the kettle one last time, pulled the spoon out of the cup and licked the cocoa off of it.

Fai set the spoon next to the sink to deal with later and took his cup of cocoa and made his way into the living room space, turned the TV on, and settled into his couch. It was the news and weather channel that he left it on, so the first thing to come up was a blurb about the prices of green peppers going up due to a storm taking quite a toll on a few bell pepper plantations. Fai slowly sipped his cocoa, waiting for the news to change to weather to see if there were any changes in the area. Seeing the meteorologist, he smiled a little. Reassured that at least the weather hadn’t changed its plans from yesterday, did a complete 180 or a drastic change, he clicked the power off, and stood up. He then picked up his cell phone, and checked for any missed calls. None. Taking the initiative, he decided he should call one of his acquaintances, one who on occasion, had him tend to her six year old daughter and four year old son. He liked to watch these two as they were often well-behaved. The single mom teacher was another favorite as her twins were sweet little girls. He’d first gotten to know them all from when he occasionally volunteered at Yomogi Nursery School ran by Yukimura Sanada and Sayaka Okiura.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Thurn. I was just calling to see if you will need a babysitter this week?”

“Oh, Fai, I’m so glad you called. I was just thinking of calling you as a matter of fact. Do you think you will be available today and tomorrow? I know it’s short notice, but work called and…”

“Don’t you worry about a thing, Mrs. Thurn,” Fai said cheerfully as ever, “I’ll be over in just a few minutes.”

“Oh, thank you dear; you’re a lifesaver.”

“Alright then I’ll see you soon.”

“Yes, and again thank you.”

Fai hung up, and let out a breath, and then he finished off his cocoa. He rinsed the cup lightly, before he just set it in beside the spoon. He grabbed his wallet and keys, located his work uniform (if things got real late, he had to have it so he could go to work immediately afterwards). Taking a little time to make sure he looked … relatively decent (for just crawling out of bed not ten minutes ago), and brushing the knots out of his bed hair, he locked up after himself, and went out to his car.

 

Fai drove over to Mrs. Thurn home, where she and her husband were standing outside, with their two bundles of joy, one in front of each parent.

“Good afternoon,” Fai said with a smile.

“Good afternoon, Fai,” the children said at the same time.

“Good afternoon, dearie,” the wife said, the husband showing no signs of jealousy as he knew his wife had a habit to call almost everybody she met by doting pet names (she used sugar, sweetheart, love bug and babydoll a lot too).

The husband walked over and handed Fai the keys to their place, “They haven’t had their afternoon nap or snack yet.”

“Yessir, I’ll make sure to take care of that,” Fai answered, accepting the ring holding three keys.

“Alright loves, Fai-dear is going to take good care of you until Mommy and Daddy get back, so make sure to be on your best behavior for him.”

“We will,” they answered their mother.

 

Later that night, as Fai took care of his shift, the parents back an hour before he had to head over to work, he let out a soft sigh in the presence of the waitress. It was actually busy tonight, more than half the diner full with patrons.

“What’s wrong, Fai?” she asked, placing a family on ten’s order of drinks onto one of the trays.

Fai glanced over halfway, contemplated for a few seconds as he finished loading his own tray. He then held the tray up and gave her a half smile and softer look in his eyes, “I’ll tell you after work.”

“No running off, then,” she said with a wink, beginning to head out with him.

“No running,” confirmed Fai, before he walked over to the waiting patrons.

 

#############

 

Kurogane dropped Yue off, before going to the local schools and dropping off the coolant fluid for their air conditioners. It was springtime, and soon the weather would be getting a bit warm. After each delivery is signed for, Kurogane took his truck and drove it to base to drop off the cargo bay for a while, and checked if they had any more deliveries at the time. Apparently, he had about a month before he had another scheduled delivery, and a week before they could probably find him some work, so he drove off to where his home resided, in a small communal town. It used to be a farmer’s village, but most of the old folk were long since gone.

Now, his residence sat on the outskirts of town where civilization just began to touch, and he pulled up next to a beat up vineyard, and sighed. The house was a few acres away, but here, the grapes hadn’t been tended to in a few years (he’d neglected them just as he neglected most other things for a few too many years). Maybe now he’d have a little time to nurture and take care of them; he wondered if he would, (always seemed to be too busy or too preoccupied to do so) before he finished the small drive to the gravelly driveway. He parked his truck, and climbed out.

Kurogane stood in front of the three-story house. He remembered the place well. He knew every acre of land, as he played there when he was still a naïve child. The orchards that bared fruit to eat, the vineyard for making drink, and the canal that irrigated the crops (he had accidentally fallen into it as a child, the water was strong and fast, and father had been there then – ~~had saved him from drowning under the swift current~~ ). He knew the house well; the creaky cellar, where the wine would be stored, the pantry where the canned goods stayed, the kitchen where his mother would bake and cook, and her warm smile as they sat down to eat their meals, the master bedroom (sneaking in after a bad dream and his parents were there to keep him warm and safe), his own room as a child, spacious with a tall tree that he used to climb up onto the roof and back inside with (father would on the occasion call him a monkey), the dusty attic, roasting marshmallows in the brick fireplace, the big open living room. Everything about it reeked with old memories. Nothing about it brought back anything that remained pleasant; any of the pleasant memories had become cold and bitter in the years. Best not to think too deeply about them, as they brought out a darker side within him.

The porch creaked as he stepped onto the faded whitewood. Slowly he felt the oaken wood of the door, still retaining most of its original color after all the years, but there was a thick layer of dust. Reaching upwards where he kept it stored, Kurogane pried the spare key out and used it to unlock the front door.

The place was dustier than he thought as the dirt and debris had settled over things, and as he walked in, he made a trail of footprints. Everything he touched displaced just a little dust, causing a trail of where he’d been and what he’d touch. No perfect trail as some dust clung and rolled under his fingers as he moved inside toward the upstairs. The outside light illuminated the faded floral curtains that rested on the curtain rod, keeping the sun out of the house, making it only slightly warmer than he.

He headed upstairs to the master bedroom, where his parents slept (his mother died in that bed). He had only one purpose for going into that room. Lifting away a  few creaking floorboards, he revealed a hidden compartment beneath the floor, and reached down, to pull out a box from within. The black box came out with ease, and Kurogane blew the dust off of it, before he opened it up. He looked inside briefly, checking everything he’d put in it was still there. He took out the object he was after, before he closed it and placed it back where it was hidden, replacing the wooden boards. He tucked the object into his pocket before he walked out.

Kurogane began to head out to grab a bite to eat, when he noticed a distinct figure leaning against his fence. “Why are _you_ here?” he growled to the other.

“I heard you were back in town, and home; had to see if the rumor was true.”

“As you can see, I am here, now you can get, because now I am leaving.”

“You really have a bad temperament, Heartache,” Sorata began, “You really trying to get Fai dragged into this? If you keep him about, he will turn just like you did. You really want that for him? To be what you became?”

“Got nothing to do with you, and if you can’t get lost on your own, maybe I should help you out,” Kurogane grunted irritated.

“Fine, I’m leaving,” Sorata said holding his hands in the air, as if to submit, “But I would really be surprised if any more than half the people near him that stay are the same as he. After all, rumor is, anyone who stays friends with him is also a Madoka.”

Kurogane knew Sorata was right, but he didn’t need to be questioned by him either. He was still trying to figure things out, however he still couldn’t find his answer. He wanted Fai to be safe; he wanted Fai to be his. His heart was torn in two. Keep his distance, or keep Fai close. And because of his own internal indecision, Fai paid the price, as Fate’s web drew tighter around him, controlling Fai like a puppet master. However, hopefully the gift he’d left with him would allow Fai to have the ability to make his own decision instead. There should be more than enough money to cover any travel and rental expenses – or he could take off from work for a while. Or, he knew he harbored the small hope that Fai would, despite things, choose him above all else.

 

#############

 

Sitting down on the steps of the back door, the day shift workers having taken over, Fai was back in his normal clothes, and she in hers. The morning air was nippy and since she had been in a rush and forgotten her coat, Fai had used his sweater to help keep her warm instead, concerned for her and the baby’s health in the cold.

“Now…what seems to be the matter, Fai?”

Fai let out a breath; it was hard not to tell Kobato the truth. She was a sincere person and a hard worker; nothing about her was false, and as such, having her around kind of rubbed off on him wanting to be the same. He wanted to be honest with her. In the end, he was a hard worker, but not as honest as she.

“Yesterday, we had one customer come in…”

“Oh?” she began and paused, “and that’s why you’re like this?”

“It was Kurogane,” Fai elaborated.

“Oh,” she said, as if that explained all, and really it more than sufficed.

“He acted normal most the time he was here, but then…” Fai’s posture slumped, “he made me take this …gift from him.” Fai placed his face in his palms, “I didn’t even realize truckers carried so much cash on them.”

She paused a minute before she began to gently stroke his back, “Did he say why he did that?”

“…Sorta. He left this with it.” Fai moved one hand away, and reached into a back pocket, where he pulled out the card and held it out for her to see.  She grasped it lightly, seeing the front, before she flipped it over to the back, and saw the writing scrawled on the back in black ink.

“And you’re not sure what to do, right?” she asked gently.

“Yeah. I mean, if I do as he says,” he turned to look into her brownish-red eyes, “wouldn’t that be a problem for you?”

“That shouldn’t matter, Fai; it’s not about what I want,” she spoke with a soft smile, “You should decide what you want.”

“I don’t even know what I want anymore.”

That was hardly a lie. She contemplated that for a little bit before a thought struck her. “Didn’t you like to do all those artsy-craftsy things?”

“I was never any good at them.”

“Good doesn’t matter; what matters is that you are happy … You haven’t been very happy lately have you?”

Fai let out a shaky breath, “not…really.”

“Then maybe you should go for it. Find a different job, go to college, travel around the world. It just might get that old spark back into your eyes. But if you forget to keep me up to date every now and again, we,” the bulge of her stomach indicated the other part of the we, “will come find you and make you make time for us and a civil meal filled with talk of all the latest details.”

Fai smiled, knowing Kobato meant every word she just said, “You really are too kind.”

“Anything to help a friend. So… why don’t you get some rest and think this over? And call me first when you reach your decision, when you do decide what you want to do. You don’t have to decide now, but I’d like to be the first person you tell.”

“Alright. I’ll definitely do that. Thanks Kobato.”

 

Fai flopped down on his bed, holding the card Kurogane had left for him between his fingers as he stared at it. “Go out and find your own paradise” it said on the previously blank side of Kurogane’s business’s card.  Probably had nothing better to use than the card, as he had a good guess why the receipt was not an option Kurogane wished to pick. Written in tinier print was an address, and Fai could only guess to what. Every night, he chose to stare at it and mull things over before drifting off. By the time fall was in full swing and approaching winter, things were different; on one particular day, he got up off his bed, picked up his phone and dialed Kobato’s number. He waited until he heard the small audible click of the phone being answered.

“Hey, Kobato.”

“Oh… Fai. What is it?” she asked sleepily.

“Sorry did I wake you?”

“No, been up for a few minutes. Anyway, what’s up?”

Fai paused a moment before he said it, “I’ve finally decided.”

 

*****

I’m just the shadow of the main I used to be and it seems like there’s no way out of this for me

I used to bring you sunshine; now all I ever do is bring you down

Ooh, how would it be if you were standing in my shoes

Can’t you see that it’s impossible to choose; no, there’s no making sense of it

Every way I go I’m bound to lose. Oh yes.

 

Too much love will kill you just as sure as none at all

It’ll drain the power that’s in you, make you plead and scream and crawl

And the pain will make you crazy; you’re the victim of your crime

Too much love will kill you – every time

Yes, too much love will kill you; it’ll make your life a lie.

Yes, too much love will kill you, and you won’t understand why

You’d give your life, you’d sell your soul but here it comes again

Too much love will kill you in the end. In the end.


End file.
